“BEE” THE CHANGE

Bee the ChangeMonday, April 18, 2011

Currently there seems to be quite a lot of negative energy bouncing around the “trans blogosphere.” I’ve been watching and reading with much sadness and disappointment. People seem to have lost their inhibitions to spew into the public arena any old thought that happens to enter their minds. What happened to mature social interaction? Is this how people behave face to face? Of course not, because in an actual encounter, we make eye contact, we collect all the facial expressions and emotion that another radiates to us. So, on line, with the perceived protection of time, distance, and shielding it would seem that essential tenets of human courtesy are missing.

What bothers me most, I think, is when I have friends on each side of some of these ad hominem attacks and I know both of these fine people to be mature, caring, and intelligent individuals who have apparently gotten lost in the passion of their debate. I feel as though I must suddenly choose which one to side with. Ultimately, I choose not to take the cheese, lest I get drawn into this lose-lose conundrum. After all, which is more important—being right, or getting it right?

We owe it to the ones who have blazed the trails ahead of us as well as to those who will follow in our paths to listen and dialogue with the level of mutual respect that all human beings deserve. Never before was the axiom “United We Stand, Divided We Fall” more poignant. Look, if we can’t even seem to agree—or at least be civil in our disagreements—how can we ever expect to make any inroads with regards to changing the hearts and minds of the “mainstream?”

Another phenomenon I am also seeing is something a friend recently described to me as “Crab Mentality.” This describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither should you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs, individually the crabs could escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise.

The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of jealousy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.

This term is associated with short-sighted, non-constructive thinking rather than a unified, long-term, constructive mentality. It is also used colloquially in reference to individuals or communities attempting to "escape" a so-called "underprivileged life", but kept from doing so by others attempting to ride upon their coat-tails or those who simply resent their success."

My partner, Chloe has become a lightening rod for much of the blog negativity. I lost count of the commenters who start by admitting their prejudice, stating that they did not or “could not” even watch her ABC television show and then comes the big BUT, as they go on to ignorantly rip the show and her personally. There is a difference between--an informed questioning and commentary of a person’s perceived motives and/or judgment--and outright pillorying them.

And then there is the whole “Bee Sting” fiasco. It doesn’t help that it has been mischaracterized, or at least presented it in a way that was easily misunderstood, but Chloe has explained it clearly and concisely, more than once. Obviously the bee sting did not “turn her into a woman” but, like Al Gore’s “I invented the internet” misnomer, this is just too irresistible for the “crabs in the pot” to let go of. This has actually become amusing for us to watch as it takes on a life of its own.

Chloe understands this and she knows all too well that this sort of thing goes with the territory when one puts themselves “out there” the way she has. She can take it. I can say with first hand experience because I know her personally--and obviously I am biased so you may take this for what it is worth--that Chloe is one of the most caring and genuine people I have ever met. She is strong and principled, yet kind and caring. She stands up for what she believes, but will readily admit when she is wrong. Above all, she is human, like you and me, which takes me back to my broader points at the beginning of this piece. Let us not forget our humanity as we navigate and interact within the cold digital social matrix of the internet blogoshpere.

I am also happy to report that for every public harsh negative criticism launched at Chloe, there are probably one hundred messages of gratitude and encouragement received “behind the scenes.” So, it is like I have been telling my children, don’t get sucked into the negativity, sometimes you gotta do what you know is right for you, no matter what others will think or say. Follow what is in your heart because acquiescing to the bullies, only validates their angry cause. Words will only get you so far, it takes action. You must set the example, you must Be The Change you want to see.